He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
