Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
