If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
