Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
