I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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