My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
