This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
