She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
