i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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