Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
