Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
