we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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