Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
