$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
