after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
