Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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