Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
either way he was missing a nipple.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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