The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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