I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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