I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I deserve this hangover.
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