Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
