my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need a burrito and a hug.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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