i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
