cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
