I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
