woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
