You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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