I puked a lego.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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