Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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