If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Farmville is her only friend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
