you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
