Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
