So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
