dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
