so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I supernannyed him into submission
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
