Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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