Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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