I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
