why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
