girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize