If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
