capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
