Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
