drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
