He kissed a someone with a penis
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
