No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
