I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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