why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
