let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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