if only i could text you this smell
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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