I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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