I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
