omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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