I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
