You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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