its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All the doctor said was why
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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