Swine flu is the new snow day.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize