you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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