Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
