so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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