hotel room ftw
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
