My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
