We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
