I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
