I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
